My name is Lora, and I am on the committee for Nurture. I want to share my heart and understanding on the topic of grief.
I got married in 2006. I wanted to be a mother more than anything else. I lost two pregnancies before I had my first son, John, and another before I had my youngest son, Aaron.
Each loss took me down a spiral of grief and depression, and I felt like I was in a deep black well-drowning in deep sorrow and pain. I dreamt about each child’s life-what they would look like, who they would become, etc… Then the dreams were ripped away. I became numb to life. I fell down, down, down into a life of sorrow.
But, through my up-bringing, I watched my parents cling to the cross after losses in their own lives. So, I clung to the cross during these times. I soaked in His presence through worship and prayer. I was so desperate to come out of this darkness and into light. Over time, I found myself happier and full of God’s joy and his spiritual laughter filled my bones with life. He used my children, family and friends to help me come out of the muck and mire.
My father, Dr. Randy Colver, taught me that grieving is a natural part of life. I remember being the only one out of my siblings that went with him to funerals, hospital visits, and home visits. My father talked about how grieving looks, feels, and is different for each individual. There are several steps in the grieving process. Some blame-shift first, while some are angry and bitter first. Some suffer from denial or depression. Some go into a bargaining-mode saying: “if only…” Some bargain by trying to strike a deal with God. Some people move on after a few months, and it may take years for others. The time in each stage varies.
No matter which one we go through, we cannot expect others to grieve the way that we grieve. We must not force people to stop grieving because it makes others uncomfortable.
Some people choose not to have a funeral or burial. But we all need closure. We can celebrate someone’s life at the funeral, but we also need to have time to cry and grieve. Finding balance is key to this.
A scripture that helped me understand this was Psalm 34:18 which says: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
If you are grieving, feeling depressed, or in a spiritual darkness that started from some sort of loss in your life, don’t give up hope! Our Lord loves you, dear one. You are a child of the LIVING and TRUE God. He is our healer. He is the Alpha and the Omega. He is a loving and gracious father.
We are here for you at Nurture. If you need prayer or someone to talk to, come to one of our MNO events. We would love to meet you and pray for you.
We, as mothers, need to know it is normal to grieve and that it is okay to grieve. We need to surround ourselves with positive and loving people who will grab our hands, lift us up and help us through. That is only one part of our ministry.
Love and blessings,